.■5r.»1 




POST* fJEtESS 

In Great Britain only 



]6!l. 



OR 
1 5 CtNTS. 




OS'S ACTING EDITION 



GRANNY'S JULIET 

(HERBERT SWEARS). 

The FEE for each AMATEUR representation of the 
||||;i piece is A /', payable in advance to SAMUEL FRENCH, 
Ltd., 26, Southatnp.ton Street, Strand, Londoi, W.C. 



<;-<; ) IjONDOn : 

|\ SAMUEL FRENCH. Ltd., 

) PUBLISHERS, 

) a.1, SOUTHAMPTON STREET, 

) STRAND. 



> 



NiEW Your ; 
SAJSrCJEL FRENCH. 

PDBLISHEB, \ 

28, WEST 38th STREET. ) 



BELFAST- 



mM { „JNiCHOi,sox. 26, Church Lane. 
"5^^) BIRMINGHAM- 
JAM Ks QvKuT, 12, Snow Hill. 
;| ■ ) W.H.Smith & Son, 34. Union St 
) BRADFORD- 
\ W. H. Smith A Sow, 

5. Dale Street. 
BRISTOL- 
I B. ToLBMAiT, 2, Rupert Street. 
<>^^ { DUBLIN- 

( Morrow's Library ,l2,Nas8au St. 

EDINBURGH- 
f H. KoBiNsoN. 111-115, Leith St. 
GLASGOW- 

Wm. Love. 221 , Argyle Street. 
LEEDS- 
R. Jackson, 18, Commercfal St. 

LIVERPOOL— J. BURKINSHAW 

& Sons, 28-30, Colquitt Street. 
MANCHESTEH- 
JoHN Hkywood, Deansgat« 
and Ridgeflelri. 

NEWCASTLE-ON-TYNE- 
Thomas Allan, 18 & 20, Blackett 

Street. 

PLYMOUTH- 

\V. HBAiiDER, 195, Union St. 
PRESTON- 

J. Watkinson, 41, Cannon St. 



} SHEFFIELD- 



Gko. Slatkk, Fitzalan Sq. 



]m 



BOMBAY 

CALCUTTA- ) 

„ . ^„ Thacker, Spink & Co. I 
MADRAS- ) 

HlGQINBOTHAM & CO., ) 

«.«. ^^' Mount Road. ) 

SIMLA- ( 

Thacker, Spink ft 0». ( 
CAPE COLONY- i 

J. C. JuTA, Cape Town. ( 
CAPE TOWN— ( 

Messrs. Darter & Sows. ' 
DURBAN— / 

Vais S latter & 00. 1 

MELBOURNE- ).,, 

Will Anbradk ; M,^ 

201, Bourka Street. )\*''>w 

B. W. Cole, Book Arcade. ) 
ADELAIDE- ) 

E. S. Wi©o & Sow. \ 

Cawthorne & Co. 
NEW ZEALAND- 

J. BuAiTHWAiTE, Dunedln. 

WiLDMAN & ARET, ( 

Auckland. ) 
SYDNEY- , 

S. J. KiRBY. ( 

561, George Street* ] 



NE W DESCRIPTIVE CA TALOGUE SENT POST FREE 

book:s 




6,000 Plays, 10,000 Recitations. Send for Catalogues, 
Post Free. 

The Guide to Selecting Plays isnowpublishedannually — 
entirely revised and brought up-to-date. Price Is. 



BETWEEN THE SOUP 
AND THE SAVOURY 

By 

GERTRUDE JENNINGS. 



Originally produced at the Playhoiise, London, under 
the management of Mr. Cyril Maude and the direction of 
the Author, on October 19, 1910. 

The Cook (Maria) • . Miss Margaret Murray. 
The PARiiOUBMAiD (Ada) . Miss Maude Buchanan. 
The Kitchenmaid (Emily) «= Miss Ethel Ross. 

Scene. — The Kitchen, 

TiMB.— ^Evening, during the serving of dinner. 



One Act, 
Price 6d. 

30 minutes 

in represen- 

tation. 



One Scene. 



Fee, 
One Guinea. 



> 



GRANNY'S JULIET 



\ 



GRANNY'S JULIET 



AN IMPRESSION 



By 
HERBERT SWEARS 



Author of " The Whirlpool,'" " A Tight Corner," " The House of Clay," 
"Hero and Heroine," "The Nonsensor," "Home, Sweet Home, with 
Variations," " Twilight," " Wayfarers," " The Mere Man," " Such is 
Fame," "Two on a 'Bus," " Love and Dentistry," "Semi-detached," 
*' Pansy," "Too Many Cooks," "Lady Interviewer," "Day Dreams," 
"Cupid Astray," etc. 



CoPYRiGHt, 191 1, BY Samuel French, Limited 



New York 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

Publisher 

28-30 WEST 38TH STREET 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 






CCI.D 24614 



ntA- -i 



«^A"" 



(^ 



All applicaticns respecting the performance of 
this pla} — toth hy prcfessicnal and amateur com- 
paniei — must be addressed to : — 

Messrs.' SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd., 

26, Southampton Street, 

Strand, London, 

or their authorized agents. 

The fee of fifteen shilhngs for each and every 
amateur representation must be paid prior to per- 
foimances and a written authority obtained, giving 
permission for the production of the play. 

Any costumes or wigs required in the performance 
of " Granny's Juhet " m.ay be hired or purchased 
reasonably from Messrs. Chas. H. Fox, Ltd., 27, 
WeUington Street, Strand, London. 



^^ GRANNY'S JULIET 

First produced by Mrs. Kendal on Tuesday, May 23, 
191 1, at 47, Brook Street, W., on the occasion of 
H.R.H. the Duchess of Albany's Entertainment, in 
aid of the Deptford Fund. 



CHARACTERS 

The Countess of Milbourne Mrs. Kendal. , 
Mrs. Paynter . . . Miss Fay Davis. \ 
Muriel .... Miss Rosalie Toller^ 



Scene. — The small drawing-room ai Milhourner 
D'Arpy.- 



GRANNY'S JULIET ' 







Scene Plot ] 






— ^ - 




fj 


Do 
R.L 


\ 










f 


Hk o , 


o 


O 






X}/ 


• Bookcaso 


Table 


Flowet 




hi 
Of 




Stand 




^ 














oh 






t\ 




IS 




Fire-' 






Sifiall' 
Tabid 


\ 


\% 


U) 




place 






^ Armchair 


o\ 


A 


i 










n 


\\ 












Tea 


v^ 












Table 








'} 


1 


1 1 1 


1 1 


1 1 


1 





Footlights 

The scene is laid in the small drawing^rooM at Mil- 
bourne-D'Arcy. The piece, however, can be per- 
formed on a concert platform without curtain. Door 
up R. Armchair r.c, and smalt table R. of it. 
Sofa L.c. Occasional table, with tea equipage, in 
front of sofa. Fireplace L. In front of fireplace 
a small folding Japanese screen about two and a half 
feet high,, by two and a half feet wide. Flower-stand,, 
with plants in bloom^ L.c. at back. Table C. at back.. 
Book-case R.c. at back. Hangings, pictures, orna- 
ments, and pretty oddments everywhere. 

(Enter r.u.e. Mrs. Paynter, a handsome woman in 
her thirties. She is amiable, stupid and quite devoid 



8 GRANISTY'S JULIET. 

of the faintest sense of humour. She crosses to 
sofa L. and glances at the tea equ'page. Her face 
softefts. She raises the lid of a dish and her smile is 
beatific. 

Mrs. Paynter. Crumpets ! Glorious ! (She 
calls over her shoulder.) Dear Lady Milboume — 
cnimpets ! 

Countess (heard off). Hurray ! 

(Countess enters, with a large pile of letters.) She^ 
is an attractive woman of fifty- five, full of fun and 
vivacity. She crosses c.) 

What a happy world it is ! Heaps of letters for 
you, dear. (Hands letters.) What a correspondent I 
You must spend billions in postage stamps f No 
wonder the Chancellor has a surplus ! You're an 
Inland Revenue in yourself. 

(Crosses to arm-chair r., retaining a letter and a tele- 
gram. 

Mrs. p. People always tell me their troubles — and 
so my mornings are occupied 

Countess. In sending pen'orths of ad\dce. Very- 
good of you, Laura. (Sits armchair.) Pour out the 
tea, there's an angel. 

(Mrs. Paynter deposits her letters on the, small occa- 
sional table, sits on sofa and pours out tea.) 

(Opening telegram.) I expect this is from Muriel. 
(Reads.) Yes. " Arriving 5.15," and it's now 5.5. 
(Glancing at watch bracelet.) Isn't that like her ! 
Fortunately I sent to m.eet her. (Taps her forehead.) 
What a brain ! Wliat a grandmother ! 

Mrs. p. No one would guess it, dear Lady Mil- 
boume. 

Countess. Laura — You're an ass ! A fierce, un- 



GKANNY'S JULIET. 9 

bridled Filey ass ! Charmingly polite, ain't I ? 
'('Opens letter.) 

{ Mrs. Paynter rises and crosses with Lady Mil- 
bourne's cup which slw deposits on small table R. of 
armchair within easy reach of her ladyship. She 
then recrosses to her table and fetches a covered dish of 
crumpets.) 

But if you will say such preposterous This is 

from Miry Ditchmgham ! Muriel's been staying 
with her — I hope she was a good girl. {Reads.) 
The Dys3n? are there I Mary says they fight hke 
Kilkenny cats — I knew that long ago. [Glancing at 
letter.) ■ You've met the 

Mrs. p. (offer 'ng dish). Crumpets ? 

Countess (shaking her head). No, not the crum- 
pets—the Dysons ! 

Mrs. p. (crossing to sofa and replacing dish on tray). 
The Hampshire Dysons ? 

Countess (disregarding question). It seems that 
old General Sandgate [laughs) Oh! I pould sob 

with laughter. Mary swears that the old-' boy 

(Expression changes.) What's this ? 

Mrs. p. (resuming her seat on sofa), ^——ox the 
Staffordshire Dysons ? 

Countess (excitedly). Oh ! Oh ! 

Mrs. p. The Hampshire branch (Takss a 

piece of crumpet.) 

Countess. This is too bad — too bad ! 

Mrs. p. (raising the piece of crumpet to her lips). 
What is it, dear Lady Mdbourne ? 

Countess. Laura, I beg — I implore you — to cease 
jugghng With that crumpet. 

Mrs. p. (regretfully replacing crumpet on her plate. 
You know I would do anything for you, dear Lady 
Milbourne. 

Countess. No, I only ask one thing — don't 
waggle crumpets at me ! 

Mrs. p. Has something happened ? 



'10 GRANNY^S JULIET. 

Countess. It's Muriel ! 
Mrs. p. She's not eloped with a dentist ? 
Countess. Worse ! 
Mrs. p. Worse ! 

Countess. She's been playing Juliet ! 
Mrs. p. (relieved). Oh! dear Lady Milboume,""I 
thought it was serious. 

Countess [gravely). It's a tragedy. 
Mrs. p. Well, of course ! I hope I know my 
Shakespeare ! 

Countess. My granddaughter — Juliet ! What's 
bred in the bone— you know the rest ! 
Mrs. p. Flesh, isn't it ? 

Countess. Milbourne would have sixteen canary 
fits ! 

Mrs. p. Canary fits \ 

Countess. Have you never seen a canary have 
hysterics behind the bars of its cage? 
Mrs. p. Frequently. 

Countess. Then you've seen Milbourne, at the 
mere mention of the stage ! 

Mrs. p. But after all, dear Lady Milbourne, he 
married you ! 

Countess. Yes, Laura, I'm quite aware that I 
w^as an actress— and I'm proud of it — but Milbourne 
isn't, he's always had a dread of Muriel followiEg in 
her grandmother's footsteps. 

Mrs. p. Still, it was only for once. 
Countess. Ten to one she's fallen in love with her 
Romeo. 

Mrs. p. He may be well connected. 
Countess. Not he i 
Mrs. p. And perhaps she hasn't ! 
Countess (angrily). Hah ! (Reading.) 
Mrs. p. How did it comiC about ? 
Countess. Mary Ditchingham has teen giving 
some theatricals at the Town Hall in aid of a charily, 
two scenes from " Romeo and Juhct " rnd a concert. 
It appears that the prize idiot who was to have played 



GRANNY'S JULIET. ^" 11 

. Juliet developed mumps at the last moment — so like 
her !— and Muriel begged to be allowed to step into 
the breach. Mary Ditchingham has the calmness to 
add, that she hopes the girl's success will win my 
forgiveness. 

Mrs. p. Dear, dear, it's all very difficult. 

Countess. I've known Mary Ditchingham since 
she was a long-legged fright in pinafores, and I 
always thought her my dearest friend. 

Mrs. p. I confess I've always regarded her as just 
a teeny weeny bit of a cat. 

CouNTE'ss. Muriel hasn't the slightest idea that I 
was once a well-known actress, but she knows my 
wishes, and it's very naughty of her to disobey them. 
; Mrs. p. Very thoughtless ! 

Countess. Those are the facts of the case, Laura. 
What would you advise ? 

Mrs. p. Well, it's all very difficult. ^ ; 

Countess. Mary Ditchingham is the chief offender. 
I'd hke to slap her ! [Takes up cup of tea.) 

Mrs. p. Perhaps I feel a tiny wee bit of sympathy 
for Muriel for I once contemplated the stage. 

Countess. Where from ? 

Mrs. p. I rather thought at one time — before I 
married Joseph , ^^ 

Countess. Of playing Juliet ? ^ 

Mrs. p. Oh ! no — variety — they call it, don't 
they ? , , u-i 

Countess. I don't know. {Drinks tea.) ^'^'■'■ 

Mrs. p. I interviewed a manager — such a nice 
person — and sang him a deliciously funny song. I 
remember the first two hues of the chorus — let's see ! 
They went — oh ! yes, of course ! {Sings in a very 
small voice to no tune in particular)- — 

"I'm a saucy httle flyer 
And my front name's Maria." 

Countess (astonished). Laura ! Oh ! Lor ! Oh ! 
Lor ! Oh ! Laura ! 



12 " GRAKNY'S JULIET. 

Mrs. p. Qaite amusing, wasn't it ? 
Countess. Did he engage you ? 
Mrs. p. He didn't g3 so far as that. But w^ 
parted quite good friends. 

Countess (grimly). You were lucky ! {Puis dowrir 
cup.) 

Mrs. p. I'm immensely interested in the theatre. 

Countess [rises ani movss c). Of course you are ! 

The entire Universe is suffering from a kind of stage 

measles. In only one quarter do I notice a lack of 

appreciation. 

Mrs. p. (iniignantly) . And who refuses to yield 
this right and proper interest ? 

Countess [grimly). The capital invested ! 
Mrs. p. [blankly, not compreheniing) . Oh ! Oh ! 
Yes, I see. 

Countess. No y3u don't, Laura ! That's why 
you should have laughed. Always laugh when 
you don't understand a thing. It stamps you as a 
woman of intelligence ! 

Mrs. p. [with a forced laugh). You're so clever, 
dear Lady Milbourne ! 

Countess. No, I'm not. [Rises.) I'm a dis- 
tracted grandmother ! [Crosses c.) Wnat am I to 
say to Muriel ? I suppose I must try and be cross, 
and dignified, and look as if I were balancing my 
coronet on the top of my head. 
Mrs. p. Well, it's all very difficult. 
Countess, Ah ! you're such a comfort, Laura ! 
You always say the right thing. 

Mr's. p. [modestly). I can't help feeling sym- 
pathetic' It's my nature. 

(Muriel heard outside.) 

Muriel. Granny — Granny ! 

Countess [looking rouni at door). That's Muriel — 
the darling — I haven't seen her for so long — it's such 
a bore to have to do the Roman father ! 

Mrs. p. Courage, dear Lady Milbourne,! 



GRANNY'S JULIET. ^5 

Counters. Yes ! there must be no half measures. 
She must never act again ! She mustn't maiTy her 
Romeo, and her grandfather mustn't know a word. 

(Muriel heard off.) 

Muriel. Granny, where are you ? * 

Countess. In here, dear ! 

(Muriel runs in, garbed in motor-coat and veil. She 
throws her arms round her grandmother' s neck. 
She is a young and pretty girl of from sixteen to 
seventeen years of age.) 

Muriel. Granny ! 

Countess (clasping her in her arms). My dear, dear 
child ! I'm frightfully angry with you, darling — 
I'm going to chastise you — ^with scorpions, you duck 
pot ! 

Muriel. You're not really cross. Granny ? 

Countess. I am — I'm — I'm simply bursting! 
Ask Laura ! 

Muriel (crosses in front of Countess to Mrs. 
Paynter). How do you do, Mrs. Paynter ? Granny's 
pretending, isn't she ? 

Mrs. p. Er 

Muriel. You know you can't act a bit. Granny. 
(Takes off motor-coat and veil and places them on table 
c. at back. 

(Mrs. Paynter poiirs out tea.) 

Countess. Indeed ! I suppose now you con- 
sider yourself a Rachel and Siddons rolled into one ! 

Muriel (comes down). Something a little more 
modern than that, I hope ! It was such fun, Granny. 

Countess. Who played Romeo ! 

Muriel. Such a dear ! (Takes cup from Mrs. 
Paynter and sits on sofa arm.) 

Countess. Naturally ! Hid he a surname ? 

Muriel. Warrington — Lord Hanry Warrington. 

Mrs. p. There, dsar Lady Milbourne ! - 



■ U ORANNY'S JULIET. 

Countess [at back of armchair r.). There was a 
circus man who called himself Lord George — some- 
thing or other. 

Mrs. p. You surely know Lord Henry ? 

CouNTEs's, Not from Adam ! (Sits armchair.) 

Mrs. p. I know a member of his club quite well. 

Countess. Is he on the stage professionally ? 

Muriel. Not now. (Rises and deposits cup on 
. tray). He has been ! 

Countess. Where ? 

Muriel (crosses c. speaking impressively). He once 
played a shout — " Hurrah ! " like that — in one of 
Tree's productions. 

Countess (much impressed). What a career ! 

Muriel. He'd be there now, but- (Whispers 

mysteriously in Countess's left eatr.) 

Countess. Oh ! Oh ! I see ! Poor Tree jealous ! 
Dear, dear ! 

Muriel. I think I scored ! Lord Henry said my 
technique was wonderful ! 

Countess (grimly). It must have been. 

Muriel. Oh ! Granny, I do wish you'd been 
there ! (Kneels beside the Countess.) 

Countess. I was always very fond of Juliet. 
When I was a girl there was an actress of that tim.e, 
who won some fame in it. Curiously enough you are 
rather like her ! (Smooths back the girl's hair.) 

Muriel. I don't believe she was half as good as I 
was ! 

Countess (gasping). Well, of all the— — 

Muriel. Let me show you how I did it — may I, 
Granny ? 

Countess. No, no, dear, not now ! 

Muriel. Please, Granny ! 

Countess. No, no ! 

Muriel. Do, Granny ! 

Counte'ss (relenting and curious to see if the girl can 
act). Well, it m.ust be the last time, Muriel. You're 
iievej: to act again ! 



GRANNY'S JULIET. 15 

Muriel [rises and kisses the Countess). No 
' Granny ! 

Countess. Your grandfather would be furious. 

Mrs. p. (inspired). We'll have a rehearsal. 

Countess. What will you play, Laura--Mercutio, 
■ or bloody Tybalt ! 

Mrs. p. (enthusiastically). I'll be the prompter! 
You ring a bell, don't you ? 

Muriel (with superior knowledge). That isn't really 
necessary, Mrs. Paynter. 

Mrs. p. Oh ! I must do it properly. 

Muriel (very superior). A rehearsal is an awfully 
serious business, Mrs. Paynter. It's g^lmost as 
serious as being in church. 

Countess. Well, aren't we serious ! Don't I look 
the picture of an All British Shopping Week ! 

Mrs. p. Where's my bell ? 

Countess (to Muriel). I suppose you did the 
Balcony scene ? 

Muriel. And the scene with the Nurse. 

Countess. What shall we do for a balcony ? 

(Muriel moves to fireplace l., and fetches screen.) 

Mrs. p. Where's my bell ? 

Muriel (at fireplace). This will do. Granny. Of 
course, it won't be a rehearsal for me, because I 
know my words. 

Countess. But can you say them ? 

Muriel (up c). Lord Henry thought I gave 
quite a new meaning to the lines :^ 

" And when he shall die 
Take him and cut him out in little stars." 

Countess. Oh ! 

Muriel. He said that Shakespeare, with his eye 
on the salary list, was obviously thinking of the sound 
economy of converting one actor into a thousand 
little stars. 

Mrs. v. Where's my bell ? 



16 GRANNY'S JULIET. 

Countess, My dear Laura, you're like an ora- 
torio — 

Where's my b^.ll, Oh ! ruddier than the cherry, 
Where's my bell, Oh ! sweeter than the berry — — 

Mrs. p. {seriously). Is that from the " Josiah " ? 

Countess (takes hand h:ll from tab'e r. of armchair). 
Never mind ! Take your bell [crosses to sofa) and 
ring it, and ring it 

(Muriel moves to hack of armchair, r.c.) 

Mrs. p. By the way, when do I ring it ? 

Countess. When you've nothing better to do. 

Mrs. p.) rising and ringing hell). I like this ! It 
sounds quite like a professional bell. (Moves down L.) 

Countess. Yes — it's a bit cracked ! (Moves up 
c. to Muriel.) 

Mrs. p. Where do I sit ? 

Countess. Give me the balcony ! (Muriel 
hands screen.) Thank you. Move the tea-things, 
there's a dear ! 

(Muriel removes tea-tray from occasional table in 
front of sofa and places it on table up c. at hack.) 

Mrs. p. Where do I sit ? 

Countess. There is your balcony. (Places screen 
c.) 

Mrs. p. Where do I sit ? 

Countess. You're starting the oratorio again, 
Laura ! 

Mrs. p. Will this do ? (Indicates sofa.) 

Countess. You're inspired, Laura ! and your 
prompter's table is in front of you ! 

{Crosses up to hook-case r. and selects a copy of " Romeo 
and Juliet.") 

Muriel (at head of sofa). Lord Henry always 

Mrs. p. By the way, is he related to the Slingsby- 
Grimsby-Bingboroughs ? 
Muriel. I don't know. 



GRANNY'S JULIET. 17 

Mrs. p. I once travelled to Ascot in the same train 
with the Slingsty-Grimsty-Bingboroughs. 

Countess (up r. with hook). New we're ready. 
Kneel behind the balcony, Muriel, and reit your arms 
on the top. That's it ! (Muriel does so, moving 
screen a little above sofa^ Rcund us are the greenery, 
and the fohage of the trees. Above are the star-lit 
heavens. Rorreo enters. " He jests at scars who 
never felt a wound." 

Mrs. p. {seated en sofa). Oh ! dear^Lady Milbourne 
I've just thought of sonittb.ng. Wiry isn't that 
emblazoned over the entrance of the Automiobile 
Club ? 

Countess. What ? 

Mrs. p. " He jests at cars who never felt a 
wound ! " 

Countess. You'd better write to the chairman. 

Mrs. p. I will. 

Countess (resumes). " He jests at scars who 
never felt a wound." 

Mrs. p. Do you mind starting again ? I forgot 
to ring my hell. 

Muriel. Well, do please be quick, Mrs. Paynter^ 
we shall never get on. 

Mr^. p. When I count three I ring — is that quite 
understood ? What a pretty bell this is, dear Lady 
Milbourne, was it an heirloom ? 

Countess. No, it was a bargain. 

Mrs. p. Did I say three or fcur ? It doesn't 
matter, really, whether I ring it at three or four, 
does it ? 

Countess. Not in the least. 

Mrs. p. Then let's say fcur ! I always think four 
is a m.uch more tidy num.ber than three. 

Muriel. We're quite ready, Mrs. Paynter. 

Mrs. p. Very well. It's quite excit:rg. I feel 
as if we had a real audience, and professional pro- 
gram.me sellers. [Holds up her hand for silence.) 
One, two, three (Rings.) No, no, wait— it was 



is GRANNY'S JULlEt. ' 

to be four. One, two, three, four ! [Rings trium^ 
fhantly.) There ! 

Countess. " He jests at scars who never felt a 
wound." 

Muriel (rising). That's not quite right, Granny. 

Countess (r.). Eh ? (Moves to armchair.) 

Muriel. Lord Henry always puts the emphasis 
on " Jests." 

Countess. Absurd ! "Scars " is the word of 
value. 

Muriel. Granny, dear, surely Lord Henry 
know 5 ! 

Countess. Nonsense ! 

Muriel. When I tell you that- he once played 
cricket with Mr. Benson ! 

Countess. I don't care if he played football with 
Martin Harvey ! He's wrong ! 

Muriel. What do you think, Mrs. Pay nter ? 

Countess. Laura agrees with me ! 

Mrs. p. Well, it's all very difficult. 

Countess. Exactly ! Get onto your balcony, 
Muriel, like a good Juliet. (Muriel kneels behind 
screen.) That's right. (Continues) — 

" But soft, what Hght through yonder window breaks ? 
It is the east and Juliet is the sun. 
Arise, fair sUn, and kill the envious moon 
Who is already sick and pale; with grief." 

Mrs. p. I don't hke that ! ' Oh ! No ! Do you,, 
dear Lady Milbourne ? it sounds bihous ! 

Countess. The young man's in love. (Resumes.)- 
So on and so on and so on, till we get to your 

Muriel. Cue ! 

Countess. ■ Of course, your cue ! — " and sails- 
upon the bosom of the air." 

Muriel. " O, Romeo, Romeo ! Wherefore art: 
thou, Romeo." 

Mrs. p. Why was he? .... :.-. 

Countess. Couldn't help it, poor beast ! 



' "^ ^ GRANNY'S JULIET; " "" 19 

Muriel. 

"'Deny tliy father, and refuse thy name, 
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love 
And I'll no longer be a Capulet." 

Mr'S. p. It's so odd ! I never can understand 
people when they talk in blank verse. 

Muriel. Please don't interrupt, Mrs. Paynter. 

Mrs. p. I'm so sorry. It was just a thought that 
occurred to me. 

Countess (quotes). " Shall I hear more, or shall I 
speak at this ? " 

Mrs. p. Oh, please go on, dear Lady Milbourne. 

Muriel [speaking in school-girl fashion) — 

" 'Tis but thy name that is rriy enemy. 
O, be some other name ! 
What's in a name ? That which we call a rose 
By any other name would smell as sweet." 

Mrs. p. Oh ! that's absurd ! If a rose were 
called a mangel-wurzel, I should hate it. 

Countess [to Muriel). You don't put enough 
heart into it, dear. Good heavens ! Imagine that 
I "am a gloriously lovely young 'man, with a face like 
Apollo. The night is soft and balmy and full of 
fragrance. Let your voice quiver to your thoughts — 
don't speak the lines as if you were ordering lobsters ! 

Muriel {rises)i But how am I to say them, 
Granny ? 

Countess {behind armchair). My dear child, if 
ydu really feel the scene, you can't help it ! (Quotes) 

" O, be some other name, 

What's in a name ? That which we call a rose 
By any other name would smell as sweet." 
Muriel. Why, Granny, who taught you to speak 
blank verse ? 

Countess (hastily). Oh ! I learnt how years ago/ 
when — ^when I was a girl ; somehow the time seems 
very near to-day. ._ 



20 GRANNY'S JULIET. _/^ ' - 

Muriel. More, please, Granny ! 

Counte!ss (thoughtfully). No, no, I'm forgetting. 
This is not the orchard that I knew. The hues are 
Tusset. The blossoms no longer nestle on the branches. 

Muriel (quotes). 

" O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied ? " 
Countess (quotes). 

*' What satisfaction can'st thou have to-night ? " 
Muriel (quotes). 

*' The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine." 
{She makes a movement and knocks over screen.) 

Countess. Darling ! You mustn't bring down 
i:he house ! It isn't fair on the other actors ! 

Mrs. p. I think Juliet had such a fine character. 
She never, never gave a thought as to whether the 
balcony was se-cure. 

Muriel. Granny, you know, it's awfully difficult 
to play this scene without a proper Rcmeo ! 

CoLNTESS. Gccd heavens, aren't / proper ! 

Muriel. You're a dear, hut you're not 

CciisiESS. I knew! I'm not srfficiently specta- 
cular! That's to say, I ccn't drive six motor-cars 
at once, and colour n y cheeks to ir.atch my window- 
boxes. 

Muriel. I was going to say — you're not a man, 
dear. 

Countess. No ! New I ccm.e to think of it, I 
suppose I'm not. It's just one of those trifles that 
we forget at times. Well, as I'm not allowed to be a 
man, or to play Rcm.eo, or to have a vote, or drive 
an cm:nibus, what dm I to do ? 

Muriel. Be the Nurse, Granny ! 

Countess. Ah ! It always reverts to that ! 
Well, since we can play the part a thousand times 
better than any man let's snap our fingers at the 
wretches and let them see that here at any rate we 
can act them cff the stage. 



GRANNY'S JULIET. 21^ 

(Muriel replaces screen in front of fireplace, l.) 

Mrs. p. I do hope I shall remember to tell Joseph I 

Counters (moves armchair a little to c). And sa 
I'll play the Nurse ! In this instance an aged dame, 
suffering from sciatica'' and deferred wages. (Groans 
and sits) — 
" Ah ! my back, my back ! What a coil is here." 

Mrs. p. (with great intelligence). You didn't quite 
finish the Balcony scene, did you ? 

Countess. There were just a few blanks, not con- 
tained in the verse ! 

Mrs. p. I thought so ! (Proudly.) I know my 
Shakespeare ! 

Countess. We've taken out a poet's Hcence and 
shot ourselves into the Nurse and Juliet scene. 

Mrs. p. But I haven't rung my bell. 

CouNTEsls. Good gracious! Never mind. Ring 
it now. 

Mi^s. P. Let's see ! Do I count three or four ? 

Countess. My dear Laura, you don't count at all, 
you're the prompter ! 

Mrs. p. (disregarding the Countess's remark). 
It was four ! Of course ! I knew it was either three 
or four. Now then, one, two, three, four. (Rings.) 

Muriel. 

" Now, Nurse, what news ? What hast thou there ? 

The cords 
That Romeo bid thee fetch ? " 

Countess. "Ay, ay, the cords." 
Muriel. " Ay me, what news ? Why dost thoii 
wring thy '" — 

(Mrs. Paynter rings hell.) 

No— no! "Hands"! 

Countes's. " Ah ! well a day ! he's dead, he's 
dead, he's dead. 
L We ^re undone, lady, we are undone ! "^ 



22 ^' GRANNY'S JULIET. 

Mrs. p. {reassuringly). Oh, no, dear Lady Mil- 
bourne, you're mistaken. 

Muriel {turning to Mrs. Paynter, and savagely 
quoting) — 

" What devil art thou that dost torment me thus ? 
This torture should be roared in dismal hell ! " 

(Mrs. Paynter rings bell.) 

No, " hell "— not bell. ] 

Mrs. p. Oh ! I beg your pardon. 1 ^ 

Muriel {addressing Countess). 

" Vile earth to earth resign and motion here 
And thou and Romeo press one heavy bier." 

Mrs. p. Beer ! Singular ! 

Muriel {turns). Oh ! Mrs. Paynter, please don't 
interrupt. 

Mrs. p. {with some asperity). I didn't know that 
intelligent criticism was called interruption. 

Countess {quotes). — 

" On horror's head horrors accumulate. 
Do deeds to make heaven weep, all earth amazed^ 
For nothing can'st thou to damnation add, ^ 
Greater than that." 

Mrs. p. {huffily). Very well ! I won't say another 
word — oh ! no ! — not one ! 

Muriel. Thank you, ever so much ! Granny, 
do you remember the speech beginning " Gallop 
apace, you fiery-footed steeds " ? 

Countess {still seated in armchair) . Do I remember ? 
Am I ever likely to forget ? 

{As the old memories come flooding back, the actress 
becomes inspired and the Juliet of years ago once 
more appears before the audience.) 

Will any orchard ever seem so fair, as that first 
orchard of the Capulets ? Will any eyes gaze quite 
so tenderly as my first Romeo's ? Will ever breeze 



'"-^•^ -. - GRANNY'S JULIET. -—.--■- ^^ 

blow softly from the West as that night's silken rustle 
in the wings. Do I remember ? Ah ! yes, surely, I 
see a young girl stepping lightly on the stage. Her 
face I seem to know. In her ears is sounding that 
most exquisite of music — the people's welcome ! 
Thpse unknown friends hold out dear hands to take 
her to their hearts — because they love her ! They 
give her that priceless gift of sympathy, without 
which an artist cannot breathe. And then she speaks ! 
The voice has a familiar ring and I can almost hear the 
wild beating of her heart, and the little sob of 
anxiety, as she begins. The play moves on. She 
meets her Romeo, they love with all their pure young 
hearts. Then the shadows fall. 

" Come, night, come, Romeo, come thou day in 

night ; 
For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night 
Whiter than new snow on a raven's back ! 
Come, gentle night, come, loving black-browed 

night, 
Give me my Romeo." 

Muriel. Granny, who was your first Juliet ? 

Counte'ss. She is now a very old woman, dear. 

Muriel. I should have loved her ! 

Countess. Your grandfather loved her ! 

Muriel. You. Granny ! Oh ! and I never knew. 
{Hugs her grandmother.) I never knew ! 

Countess. You must never speak of it, dear. It's 
the only secret I've ever had, and of course, I haven't 
kept it ! 

Muriel. I won't tell ! (Kneels by her grand- 
mother's chair,) 

Countess. The Juliet of the past and the Juliet 
of the present ! I wonder — I wonder if your Romeo 
was as captivating as mine ! 

Muriel {softly). He looked — he looked 

Countess. I'm sure he did, and would it make 
some o^ne happy, if I asked him to tea ? 



JUL \ J9li 

?4 ^ ^ 



GRANNY'S JULIET. 



Muriel (in a whisper). Yes. 

Countess. Well, we must ask Laura ! [Rises 
.and moves across with Muriel to Mrs. Paynter.) 
She is ever ready with wise counsel. What do you 
say, Laura ! Am I to ask this paragon to tea ? 

Mrs. p. {pauses). Well, it's all very difficult. 

Countess. That settles it. He shall come next 
Tuesday. 

Muriel. Thank you, Granny. {Kisses the Coun- 
tess, moves up and fetches hat and coat from table up c.) 

Countess. You haven't looked at your letters, 
Laura ! 

Mrs. p. Ah ! no, they are often heart-rending ! 
I must read them in the privacy of my room. 

Countess. Come along then, we must dress for 
dinner. Bring your things, Muriel, there's a good 
girl. 

(Muriel brings her hat and motor-coat and gets R. of 
Countess. Mrs. Paynter gathers up her letters. 
The Countess puts her arm round Muriel's 
waist, and links an arm in Mrs. Paynter's.) 



my 



Granny's Juliet ! {Whimsically.) I'm sure 
Romeo had the best shaped nose ! 

Muriel {indignantly). Oh ! Granny\' That's too 

bad ! He 

, Countess. Hush ! dear. Is^o more acting, please ! 
Remember that like Sir Peter Teazle, we leave our 
characters , behind us ! (Exeunt.) 



(Curtain. 




i K 






One copy del. to Cat. Div. 



JUL 1 



\Si\ 



•-uce, 

-rge 



p 
>ury. 



Is. 6d. net Edition. 



Adventure of Lady Ursula 


Mr. Preedy and the Countess 


AU-of-a-Sudden Peggy 


Naked Truth 


An American Citizen 


New Boy 


Beauty and the Barge 


Niobe 


Billy's Little Love Affair 


Oh ! Susannah . 


Brace of Partridges 


One Summer's Day 


Brixton Burglary 


Parvenu 


Captain Swift 


Passport 


Cassilis Engagement 


Perfect Lover 


Charity that Began at Home 


Peter's Mother 


Country Mouse 


Pilkerton's Peerage 


Dr. Wake's Patient 


Private Secretary 


Du' e of Killicrankie 


Return of the Prodigal 


Facing the Music 


Rocket 


Fascinating Mr. Vanderveldt 


Royal Family 


Idler 


Second in Command 


Importance of Being Earnest 


Sir Anthony 


In Chancery 


Snug Little Kingdom 


Jedbury Junior [ment 


Squire 


Lady Huntworth's Experi- 


Strange Adventures of Miss 


Lady Windermere's Fan 


Brown 


Liberty Hall 


Sunlight and Shadow 


Lucky Miss Dean 


Two Mr. Wetherbys 


Marriage of Kitty 


Walker, London 


Mice and Men 


Walls of Jericho 


Miss Ehzabeth's Prisoner 


When We were Twenty-One 


Miss Hobbs 


Wilderness 


MoUentrave on Women 


Wisdom of Folly 


Mr. Hopkinson 


Woodbarrow Farm 


2s. 6d. net Li 


brary Edition. 


Barrier 


Liars 


ier of Bridges 


Manoeuvres of Jane 


jf Rebellious Susan 


Masqueraders 


of Illusion 


Middleman 


ing Girl 


MoUentrave on Women 


lating Mr. Vanderveldt 


Mrs. Dane's Defence 


Hypocrites 


Perfect Lover 


a Glayde's" Honour 


Silver King 


)h Entangled : 


Walls of Jericho 



FRENCH'S ACTING EDITION 



VOLUME 150 

2236 The Dentist 

2237 Taken for Granted 

2238 Just as Well 

2239 Hogmany 

2240 Pansy [ments 

2241 A Doctor's Engage- 

2242 A Duet 

2243 My Milliner's Bill, Is. 

2244 My Aunt from Cali- 

fornia 

2245 His Life for Hers 

2246 The Meeting 

2247 The Umbrella 

Duologue 

2248 The Late Lamented 

2249 Woman Triumphant 

2250 AngeUna's Lover 

VOLUME 151 

2251 Chrysanthemums 

2252 My First Client 
2263 Punctured 
2-i54 Old Pals 

2255 Honeymoon Tragedy 

2256 Commission [man 

2257 Hal, the Highway- 

2258 Dinner for Two 

2259 Ninth Waltz 

2260 Human Sport 

2261 Collaborators 

2262 Mere Man 

2263 Packing Up 

2264 Paying Guest 

2265 'Enery Brown 

VOLUME 152 

2266 The Jilt 

2267 'Op-o'-Me-Thumb 

2268 A Marriage Has B2en 

Arranged 

2269 Carrots [Sturge 

2270 Conversion of Nat 

2271 Clerical Error 

2272 Aubrey Closes the 

2273 Workbox [Door 

2274 Two on a 'Bus 

2275 Bridget's Blunders 

2276 That Brute Simmons 

2277 Well Matched 

2278 Maker of Men 

2279 Gutter of Time 

2280 Game of Chess 

VOLUME 153 

2281 Mr. Steinmann's 

Corner 

2282 Ella's Apology 

2283 Colour Sergeant 

2284 Helpless Couple 

2285 First Aid to the 

Wounded 

2286 Correct Thing 

2287 Their New Paying 

Guest [ment 

2288 Domestic Entangle- 

2289 Salt of Life 

2290 Time is Money 

2291 Wally and the 

Widow [Smiths 

2292 Deceitful MLss 

2293 Holly Tree Inn 

2294 Up-to-date 
2295^Bit of Old Chelsea 



7s. per Vol., mostly 6d. each. 

VOLUME 154 
2296 Wronor a.vi- -' 

2 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



2344 Teetti of the Gift 
spoke 




23 



2304 Acacia Cottage 

2305 Fabricato 

2306 Compromising 

Martha 

2307 Rest Cure 

2308 Misses Primrose's 

Deception 
2303 Ejection of Aunt 
Lucinda 

2310 Uncle Dick's Darling 

VOLUME 155 

2311 That Horrid Major 

2312 Bardwell v. Pick- 

wick [gales 

2313 House of Nightin- 

2314 Turtle Doves [der 

2315 Superior Miss Pelien- 

2316 His Good Genius 

2317 Martha Plays the 

Fairy 

2318 Dumb Cake 

2319 Proposing by Proxy 

2320 Phoenix 

2321 Boatswain's Mate 

2322 Final Rehears-il 

2323 Two Aunts at a Time 

2324 Nelson Touch 

2325 Convict on the 

Hearth 

VOLUME 156 

2326 Grey Parrot 

2327 Ghost of Jerry 

Bundler 

2328 Bishop's Candle- 

sticks 

2329 Peacemaker 

2330 Changeling 

23'Jl Wire Entanglement 

2332 Pride of Kegiraent 

2333 " 1588" 

2334 Man on the Kerb 

2335 O'Dowd 

2336 Impertinence of the 

Creature 

2337 Dramatist at Home 

2338 Martha the Sooth- 

sayer. 

2339 Old Martha, 1». [1«. 

2340 AU Through Martha 

VOLUME 157 

2341 Men who Loved 

Mamie 

2342 Fanny and the Ser- 

vant Problem 

2343 Come Michaelmas 



2356 The Visit 

2357 A Well Matched Pair 

2358 For Lack of Evi- 

dence 

2359 Little Mrs. Cummin 

2360 A Tight Corner 

2361 Dear Departed 

2362 Pipers Pay 

2363 Her Vote 

2364 The Electric Man 

2365 At the Golden Goose 

2366 Her Dearest Friend 

2367 Love in a Railway 

Train 

2368 Make Believe 

2369 Pick of Oakham 

2370 Highwayman 

VOLUME 159 

2371 What Would a Gen- 

tleman Do ? 

2372 An Excellent Receipt 

2373 Parents' Progress 

2374 Younger Generation, 

Is. 

2375 Three Blind Mice 

(Law) 

2376 Laughter in Court 

2377 Pot Luck 

2378 Independent Means, 

Is. 

2379 Duchess of Doherty 

Court 

2380 Wiles of the Widow 

2381 The Mobswoman 

2382 An Imaginary Aunt 

2383 Lady Flora's Name- 

sake 

2384 What Charity Covers 

2385 Patty Packs a Bag 

VOLUME 160 

2386 The Oak Settle 

2387 Scaring OfiE of Teddy 

Dawson 

2388 The First Locust 

2389 The Cigarette 

Maker's Romance, 
Is. 

2390 Company for George 



And 
Between the Soup 
and the Savoury. 



